This is something I didn't want to do but because of a crap load of unwanted spam in my journal lately... I decided this was the way to go. All personal posts will be f-locked. All fic and or fandom related stuff will be kept public. Please comment to be added.

( Neshel is awesome for fixing my HTML )

Hello All,

I’m not back by any means. I doubt I ever will come back fully and participate in the fandom that I once loved more than was sane, healthy or even logical. That day has long since passed. But the amount of love and well wishes and emails I received asking about the fic (and even my own mental well-being) was overwhelming and seriously made me realize what I loved so much in the first place. It wasn’t fandom so much as it was those of you there with me. You became like family over the two years since I posted my first Heroes fic and for that I am forever grateful.

I’m reinstating my journal so that the people who still wish to read my fics can do so. It’s selfish of me to delete them for good especially if people still wish to read them. I’m proud of the work I did in this fandom.

I always will be.

It made me a better, stronger writer and for that I’ll always be immensely grateful. But things changes, people change and life goes on.

I miss fandom but the fandom that I miss is more or less dead. I’ve come to terms with that and deleting my journal in the first place was the only way I knew to sever myself from something that coupled with real life problems was making me severely unhappy and depressed.

There will be no more updates. I had dreams of completing ‘The Constant’ but I sincerely doubt that will happen now.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for also failing to reply to the emails I received. I hadn’t the words then to explain my decision and I still don’t.

I guess I just felt that the fandom’s glory days had since passed and having nothing to replace it hurt. I wanted something to help me move past this but I couldn’t find what that something was.

I guess I’m still at heart an unabashed Mylar/Heroes fan girl and always will be but fandom is no longer what it once was.

I blame the writers for this - not the fandom - we always had love for it and support but there is only so many allowances one can make before they simply can no longer do so.

Therefore, back to real life I go and I’ll probably be a healthier, saner person for it in the long run.

Right now, it still hurts like hell but I‘m doing for me now (working on saving my marriage, finding a job, and getting back to being mentally stable and happy again.) I love you all. I wish you guys nothing but the good things. I’m sorry I left you all the way I did. I hope you can forgive me.

- Roxanne