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02 May 2012 @ 08:25 pm
so raise your glass if you're wrong in all the right ways...  

I’ve decided to come out as bisexual.



I mean I always have been to a certain extent but now I’m pretty sure that I really do like both men and women (though for sure women more, much more) But here’s the thing, I think I have gone and gotten myself a FWB and yes, it's someone with boy parts. It was not something that I went out of my way to find, we kind of just found each other.

Anyway, before I go any further, I’ll just mention that Lori and I kind of broke up a couple of weeks ago. She wanted more than I could give her so we put things on the back burner and she is now just a really good friend and we still talk every day and about everything. She even knows about this new situation and is very supportive. She just wants me to find myself and be happy because this last year has been so hard on me. She said I deserve some fun in my life and she’s right… any who, unto the guy I’m now sort of seeing…

We met last Friday at the bar. I hadn't been in months because I had been trying to stay out of bars but my good friend Heather is moving to Boston this week and it was her going away party. I kind of noticed him in a roundabout way. There was this cute boy, pretty drunk and dancing pretty much by himself and then with a group of friend's every time someone got up to do karaoke - he was just having so much fun that he got my attention. I was like, wow, I wish I gave no fucks like that - ever see the Radiohead video for 'Lotus Flower'? It was like that only more graceful - that and I noticed he was throwing back JD shots; we had something in common right there.

So how does he notice me...? I'm sitting there in front and I have Heather's mother on one side of me and he dances past us and she goes to me - "Is he gay?"

I went to say I don't think so and somehow over the music he manages to hear her but looks right at me and goes, "nope, not gay."
And goes right back to his own little world.

I was like WTF - did he think I said that? Anyway, I go get a drink and I notice he's sitting with some of his friends next to me and I kind of feel him looking at me so I turn to him and tell him that he looks like he's having a lot of fun out there dancing and he's like, "so is that the rule that only gay dudes can dance?" But the way he said it was funny with just the right amount of snark so I instantly liked his attitude.

and I was all like, I never said that, that was my friend's mother and she has no tact but even if you are who cares, I'm pretty gay myself and he's like really and I was like, yeah, more often than not and he's like what about right now and I laughed and told him that I wasn't feeling too gay at the moment (which was so true ‘cause I was all about him)  so he told me his name was Nick and asked me to dance and we danced and then we went outside for some air and to have a smoke and he kissed me and I kissed him back and it was awesome -

I just instantly felt attracted to him and by the end of the night we were heading back to his place. We fooled around some ( some of which was on his pool table, which ever since I wrote that Mylar fic years ago has been a fantasy of mine) and had a few more drinks and really, this guy just made me laugh. He's hilarious and really, really respectful - the whole time he just kept telling me that we would do only what I wanted to do and nothing more and that was exactly how it was - he only seemed to care that I was okay with things and that I was feeling comfortable.

We hung out and had fun and he asked me to stay the night so he could take me out to breakfast in the morning but then he passed out on me and I laid there for awhile until I realized that I had just gotten my period early and didn't have anything.

I tried to wake him up so I could tell him I had to leave but he was out cold. I looked for a piece of paper and a pen - nothing. I finally just got my stuff together and left, hoping that since he had my number he'd call me.

I had given up on him calling me until last night when he did and I realized that a couple of missed calls I had in the last few days from an unknown number had been him. He thought I had bailed on him because he passed out on me and when I explained that I had to leave because I got my period he laughed and was like, oh, well that makes sense I thought I had done something to upset you because I know you don't do this kind of thing (meaning random hook ups)

Then he cracked me up by stating very dead panned that he woke up all alone with a pulled groin muscle. I was like; do you remember dancing half the night like a crazy person? Which he was like I think that explains it but it might have been the pool table… which got us both laughing.

We talked some more and he asked me what I thought of us hanging out again and I told him I would love too but I didn't want anything serious and he was like, awesome, I work and go to school and I don't have time for serious and it was awesome because we're on the same page. We like each other, we have fun together and I'm sure if Friday was any indication, the other stuff will be fun, too.

He's kind of just what I need right now. He's good looking, funny, great kisser, respectful and he doesn't care that I'm not very experienced with guys. We're going to get together again this weekend.

I'm pretty excited to be honest. This will be my first FWB relationship and it kind of makes me feel like a grown up LOL
I did the whole marriage thing and that bit me in the ass, so now I just want to have fun and get laid and not worry about feelings and love and all that bullshit.

The fact that he is a guy is a little weird to me but it's not every day that I meet one that I'm attracted, too, who is attracted to me. I have ridiculously high standards when it comes to guys but he's pretty gorgeous and has a great body (which is probably why people think he’s gay, ‘because he’s a pretty boy, which I love) and more than that he's funny and someone I can totally be friends with.

I say this looks like a win/win. I really hope so



 
 
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: raise your glass - pink
 
 
 
etoile du nord: Good: Sexetoiledunord on May 3rd, 2012 12:43 am (UTC)
Yay for a relationship that's exactly what you want! I somehow always find myself encouraging people to have casual sex, so I totally understand how just getting laid without any strings or baggage attached can be a great arrangement, made all the better if it's someone you actually click with as a person. And I'm sure the slight weirdness of him being a guy will go away pretty quickly with a bit more experience. If you're happy and satisfied, what does it really matter what parts are involved? =)

(Also, that song has wormed its way into my happy music. It's kind of ridiculous, but it really does cheer me up.)
ladywilde80ladywilde80 on May 3rd, 2012 01:17 am (UTC)
Yes, for sex without strings or baggage. I'm sick of doing it with people I love :) But in all seriousness, this is just what I need...

I have had such a terrible year and I really just need to have fun and not have all the pressure of settling down. I'm 31 yrs old and divorced and I should be able to just go and get laid when I want and not worry about what people think.

So I'm not and I feel awesome because of it and yeah, I'll get over the weirdness factor. It's not like I haven't written enough porn to figure out where to put what in what places and if anything, I'm a quick study.

and yes, to happy music - that song totally cheers me up as well.
Neshel: Dr Horrible - Ahh!  Human Contact!neshel on May 4th, 2012 02:12 am (UTC)
*hugs* I'm very glad to hear you've found someone fun.
ladywilde80ladywilde80 on May 4th, 2012 07:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks babe. Of course, now that I have found someone I want to jump on I have to come down with the most horrid sinus infection known to man. My life sucks D: