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14 May 2012 @ 11:50 am
Oh well.  

Damn. I woke up in such a good mood today, which of late has been so rare for me...

Lori and I had plans to go see The Avengers today so I got up super early despite like two hours of sleep, went and got a HUGE iced coffee and came home, like practically bouncing around my apartment  then Lori sent me a text that she couldn't make it. I guess she woke up with her back on the fritz which I knew had been giving her trouble. The girl works as a head chef and has been doing 15 hour days for the last week, I figured she'd crash and burn at some point -

I'm not mad at her, of course. The girl needs to take care of herself more and her health means more to me than a movie but man, oh man; I'm so disappointed right now.

I guess I'll just spend the day cleaning my apartment and working on fics and playing on The Avengers party posts. We'll see each other on Sunday so it'll be fine; I told her I can wait a week for her to see me act like a 13 yr old girl.

Which yet again can I just mention how awesome Lori is - not only does she accept my fan girl ways, she supports them and has even had me read her some of my old Mylar porn fics (which she found crazy hot.) Now my wife and partner of 11 years NEVER once asked to read my fics and always in a roundabout way picked on me for being such a 'nerd' as she called it.

And why am I mourning the loss of that relationship again? Seriously, I wish so badly that I could just learn to trust people again and let myself fall in love with Lori and live happily ever after. No, instead I have her and our strange 'relationship/friendship' and Nick who is really just someone who I have the hots for and enjoy having sexy times with -

I guess right now. That's a pretty okay deal. I have Lori and her love and her actual acceptance of me as a person and a woman and Nick who validates me on a superficial level and makes me feel like I'm sexy and desirable and who for some reason I'm crazy attracted to -

So yeah, Rhonda who? Joni can have her. I'm pretty sure I'll always love her but I've come to realize that  I really don't like her very much either.

Current Mood: disappointed